edwardsheerran:

andthatlittleblackdress:

honestly sometimes in school people say the most ridiculous shit and I make this face and look somewhere at an imaginary camera like I’m on The Office

My school has security cameras in every classroom and I’ve done this at least 3 times each class this entire year. Today the security guard came up to me and told me I was his hero. 

simsgonewrong:

Yes, Mr. Firefighter, please run AWAY from the fire you’re supposed to put out.

simsgonewrong:

Yes, Mr. Firefighter, please run AWAY from the fire you’re supposed to put out.

pokemon-global-academy:

These were the scenes that fuck me up when I was nine years old

baracknobama:

dont you hate it when you put toothpaste on your toothbrush but then it just falls right off like wtf toothpaste do your job

akidandhiscats:

Steve Harvey is the best

grimelords:

Making out with a girl for the first time is the coolest thing and the second coolest thing is driving home and getting aware of all the parts of your face where she was and tasting her lip balm on your lips. The third coolest thing is outer space.

Today I went to Subway.

There were these 12 year old boys hanging around. As I got my food and left they were all checking me out like little prepubescent lemurs and one of them said “Can I get your number?” And I turned around and said “Why, you need a babysitter?”

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surprisebitch:

dating tip: ask them to show you their recently used emojis so you can count your matches and see if you are compatible

kanyelifevest:

who’s iggy iglesias

bagmilk:

bagmilk:

we know the speed of sound but whats the sound of speed

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oh